CLINIC DIARY - Weekly Post #4

Here comes my weekly update :) 

This week I had an office appointment again, where I was, again, meticulously careful not to touch anything. What I think I have not told yet is that I have a special outfit only for such appointments, so a pant, a shirt and a pair of shoes, because I can´t wear these clothes otherwise and even washing them in the washing machine gives nothing to it, the clothes are still dirty for me. So I can only wear this outfit to these appointments.

Unfortunately, I have noticed that my OCD is getting stronger again, which mainly manifests itself in thought compulsions, which then in turn affect the compulsive actions. For example, there is always a small fruit fly flitting through the apartment, which of course sits down everywhere. Yesterday I wanted to chase it away, because it was heading for my face, and I touched it with my hand. Now I had to go wash my hands because I touched the fly, which my OCD considers dirty. Also, today I didn´t get a real feeling of cleanliness in my face from showering, which I always have to do after I have eaten something, and that although I soaped and washed my face several times in the shower.

My mind is racing again at the moment and I can hardly get a grip on it. Racing because these obsessive thoughts are constantly circling and just don´t stop and that although I have tried so many medications now, it is really frustrating and also very exhausting. It just takes so much energy and I´m constantly tired and unfocused. Unfortunately, it also starts again that I don´t really enjoy anything, so it is even harder to get the time around.

So this week is, unfortunately, not very positive. I already wrote an email to the doctor at the clinic on Wednesday, asking if I could be admitted again, but unfortunately I haven't received an answer yet :( I hope I'll get an answer tomorrow. In the clinic I could at least eat something without having to run to the shower.

What I have managed this week, however, is to finally upload a video on the topic of OCD on my Youtube channel. Who has not yet seen it, look in gladly times. In the video I also explain again, how that started with the OCD and how it has increased up to my current situation :) 

Long story, no point :D Kisses to you and see you soon :)